You Asked, Todd Answered, Part 9

More of Todd Snider’s answers to readers’ queries

Comedians Richard Lewis (right) and Larry David during a scene from season four of Curb Your Enthusiasm. (Photo courtesy of HBO)

By Daryl Sanders

In the ninth installment of “You Asked, Todd Answered,” Todd Snider recalls his good friend Richard Lewis, describes a typical day in his life and notes his favorite Saturday Night Live character, among other musings.

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Craig: What is the last good book you read? Could you also please share a funny Richard Lewis story. What a life!

Todd: My favorite Richard story, that actually teared me up because we hadn’t known each other long, was when I came home from the road, and he’d left my “mushroom story” on my answering machine in a Southern accent, and he threw in all kinds of antisemitic shit. When we played together, he told me he wanted me to close because he was going to try new shit, which was not true. He destroyed me — for fun — then he sat in the balcony with his arms folded like Mussolini, smirking down at me as the people were filing out. We’d been friends for a few years at that point, starting with me getting an email from him. After our gig he said that was all just a set-up, to get to that night. He would call and tear into me in ways that I would just weep with laughter. I did a podcast with Raelyn Nelson, and he called and said, “Gee, you think anybody noticed you’re trying to make her girlfriend?” And from there it got tough. Then when he said something that we both knew was super top-shelf funny, he’d hang up. For my mom’s birthday, he made a video for her about when they dated and how he didn’t have any hard feelings. I thought my mom was going to piss herself.

I could go on. He’d find songs he liked and sent them to a bunch of people. So he sends me “Strawberry Flats” one day, and I look to see who else he sent it to: Ron Wood, Ringo Starr, Eric Clapton, Slash, Joe Walsh, and Van Dyke Parks. One time when I was really depressed, he asked Steven Tyler to come over and talk to me. Musicians loved him.

One last funny thing: When he died, I posted that we talked everyday, which in hindsight wasn’t necessary to say. I meant it, and didn’t give it much thought — we talked on the phone a few times a day. But this other singer Robbie Fulks, who’s a good cat, said it was tasteless to use someones death to promote yourself. And maybe it is. In fact, of course, it is. But I know Richard would have said, “Tasteful? Show bizness? That Fulks guy must have had options.”

Not long before Richard passed, he attended a funeral. When he got home, he called. I asked him how the funeral was, and he told me he “killed.” We both laughed for a long time, but I then I said, “Fuck yeah, man. Jazz hands for life.” Then he said, “Fuckin’ A, I stole that funeral.” Shame is for suckers.

DanE: I need your research to work on me — or should I be careful what I wish for? Every day I try to start by asking, “What Would Todd Do Today?” Then I get confused about what we’re doing here until tomorrow.

Todd: Right? What are really doing here? Here’s what I’d do today: Wake up. Feed geese. Jump in water. Smoke the day’s first joint. Do the crossword puzzle. Do a quick seven-minute chakra meditation on YouTube. Then I stretch and do my back exercises. Then I pick a color of paper to work with that day. I will have a list of all the songs I have on blocks on yesterday’s color of paper, so I will make a new list on today’s color. Then I get on Spotify, put on this playlist they make of songs I haven’t heard and start typing for about a half hour about nothing. Then I smoke the second jay of the day and start looking at the songs I have going — usually two or three of them — and I will put a couple hours into the lyrics of them, usually getting nothing done. I have index cards with things I’d like to say, usually anywhere from 50 to a 100, and I run all of them thru all the songs, just like I did yesterday. If I am lucky I’ll get a new line or two in one of the songs. Then I water my plants, smoke the third jay of the day and get out the old guitar, and start chipping away at those songs from the musical side. I wake up everyday looking forward to it. That’s another couple hours. Then I will go walk and come back and weed my garden. Then my friend Mark comes over and we bullcrastinate on the back porch and play records. Brian will come by, our friend Mike Wilker comes by, and we talk about all that frequency, vibration, Tesla hippie shit, lose track of the joints going around, listen to some Jerry Jeff. Then usually I tell them a Jerry Jeff story that I’ve already told them, and they are cool about it. Someday there should be a book about Jerry Jeff Walker that doesn't have anything to do with music. That is about how to invent yourself, enjoy being alive, and live free the whole time. That’s what he taught me. Music is really only good for a horse or a truck or something. After that, it’s just grab-ass.

Carrie Garcia Sanders: Inquiring minds want to know: 1. What is favorite SNL skit or character. 2. You’ve been hanging out with your mom more. What do you love most about her? 3. How much money do we have to crowdsource to get you to make a Christmas record? 4. Will you tell us your favorite porn category if we promise to never mention it? 5. Are you ever going to invite the original “Beer Run” singers on stage to sing backup vocals with you.

Todd: My mom would help my brother hide my body and never think about it again. And my brother wishes he could pull that off. I save my high fives for my sister and her kids. Tiny Elvis by a mile. Singers don’t need porn, and I’m easy like Sunday morning. But I like all those sites. 

Amanda Musser: The world is currently a crazy place. “It isn’t so much the despair that always gets me as it is the hope.” What is something you hope the world takes away from your music? My takeaway, coming after a damn near successful suicide attempt, is that I’m happy to be here and life isn’t so serious. You have saved my life numerous times. When I want to give up and go back to my dark place, I listen to your stories and songs for the good vibes.

Todd: This. What you are saying. In my line of work, a note like this is the most we can do. And we can’t do it if we try to. It’s incredibly rewarding to hear this.

We can’t prove life is a serious thing. I consider myself an absurdist, which, to me, means the only reason to do anything is “anyway” — and not like any way you want, but rather it’s not going to make a difference, but we can do it anyway. Why not? We don’t know why we’re here, where we’re going, or what to do. We can believe stuff, have faith in stuff — it doesn’t seem to need to be true to help. At least with some people, people who can’t take “I don’t know” for an answer and who also have outgoing personalities, it can be a bit like hitting a deer. What was the question? I hope it had something to do with what I ended up talking about, but I don't know. Maybe the answer is seven. No way I wasn't getting stoned to do this. Please. Information is a hoax. I do, however, hope I get to meet you in person soon. I will be thinking about you, and I appreciate you sharing this with me. Life. You can't fix it, but you can dig it anyway.

© 2024 Daryl Sanders