My Brother

That time Todd Snider pranked his oldest sibling with a little payback

By Todd Snider

when i was writing my book
i've never met a story i didn’t like,
i wrote an email to my brother mike,
and i said to him very simply,
“i am going to take the latest email chain between us
and put it in my book unedited,
and i am going to call the chapter,
MY CHRISTIAN BROTHER.”

years ago, i got him a job booking christian rock bands,
but he’s insufferably full of shit,
drinks way too much,
has pompous anger issues,
treats his sister like a peasant,
threatens her children with violence,
and is the phoniest christian i’ve even been around in my life.
so he knew that if I were do that,
and the world saw who he really was,
that he would never work in this town again.
that’s how bad it was.
so he hired a lawyer at great expense
and went to great lengths to try to stop my book from coming out.
why?
because that’s how bad it was.
that’s how badly he didn’t want people to know who he really is.

i would have no problem with the whole world reading all of it.
it would endear me to people.
my publishers called and asked me about it.
they said, “we can’t find the chapter your brother’s lawyer is talking about,”
and i said, “there isn’t a chapter like that — but there could be, and he knows it,
so i am just having fun at his expense.”
so my publishers told his lawyer that i had a right to put those emails in my book,
and that my poor brother would have to deal with it.
it wasn’t till the book came out
that he would find out to his relief
that i am still not at all like him.
but i am hilarious.

© 2024 Todd Snider